Honestly, I hate my birthday. I’ve hated it since I can remember. I very poignantly remember breaking down and sobbing at my grandma’s house for my 8th birthday after reading the Winnie The Pooh card my parents gave me that said, “you’ll always be our little girl”. There was the sticky hot summer heat, blue shag carpet, and the looks from my cousins that very clearly communicated “wtf is up with this 8 year old?”. Younger me never wanted things to change, and getting older was the biggest change of all I suppose (make note that I also sobbed in similar fashion, the one year my Mom moved the Christmas tree to a different room, so, I mean… I guess you could say it was a thing).
So birthdays. Not for me. I’ve accepted it, and gave up a long time ago on trying to enjoy them. However, in a kind of last ditch effort, I thought I’d try to not accept it one last time, and figured that my 30th birthday was an appropriate occasion for that. And while I think from now on I will continue to stay safely in the ‘not celebrating my birthday because it makes me want to emotionally combust’ camp, it was actually a really beautiful weekend; I got myself a manicure (which, I am embarrassed to say, always makes me extraordinarily happy), some gluten free cake, a few joints and a couple of my very oldest best friends (and obviously, most cherished human, Ronen) to head up to Madeline Island. I set low expectations, brought my favorite cameras, and honestly spent a decent amount of the time trying to enjoy smoking weed, which, for the record, I have never enjoyed, not even a bit…so, hey! why not dive right into two of the things I enjoy the least, all in the name of commemorating the growing responsibility and urgency of life, right?
Besides my people, the cameras I brought were a sort of safe haven from birthday thoughts. They are my oldest favorites/most foundational cameras/the ones I originally fell in love with, aka…MY CAMERA SOULMATES, and all that with the combination of photographing two of my oldest best friends, made it all feel like a time warp vortex back to being 16 again. So overall, totally and completely magical. Basically, a success.
Camera & film info for any of you fellow film nerds….
Cameras: Hasselblad 500cm, SLR-670s from Mint Camera, my trusty Yashica T4, and a $2 plastic panorama point and shoot.
Film: Polaroid originals film, HP5+ or HP4+, and whatever color film was cheapest at walgreens
P.S. if there is any indication of how nostalgically cluttery I am it is that I still have that Winnie the Pooh card that made me cry like a baby on my 8th birthday. How it has gotten this far, I have no idea.